Tips & Insights to Navigating Big Feelings During the Holidays
Thanksgiving is widely regarded as the official start to the holiday season, and while it's a time of merriment, it can also be emotionally overwhelming.
No matter what stage of family building you are in, you may have a myriad of thoughts running through your mind. Don't worry, our team is here to guide you.
We've put together some useful tips for each stage of parenthood to help you elevate your holiday experience. By following these guidelines, you can approach the holiday season with purpose; creating an environment of harmony that fosters cherished memories and brings everyone together.
01. TRYING TO CONCEIVE - Lielle Sugar - JD, MSW, Fertility Expert
For some, the holiday season is a time of warmth and light. It makes them feel whole and held by people who know what they are going through. For others, the holidays are a time of fear and anxiety. A time to arm yourself with responses to painful comments and questions and requests to hold babies and watch other people's children.
Know what you want to say: For those of you looking for a bit of respite, some things that might help you through the holiday season include knowing how you want to respond to unwanted comments and questions. You may already know what your relatives will say to you. If not, you may have an idea of which phrases you find painful and which you don’t. Think about whether you want to deflect with a joke, tell them your TTC, or whether you want to tell them that the comment or question was inappropriate and shut it down. In the moment it can be hard to figure out how to respond to these statements that catch us off guard. Going in knowing that you have responses ready can help ease the anxiety of being at the event.
Having an escape plan: Even if it’s simply escaping into a book on the couch or retiring to a bedroom with a migraine - know that you can always walk away from a situation.
Find an Ally: A sibling. A parent. A partner. Someone who knows you well enough to know when it’s time to get you out and someone who knows HOW to get you out of an unpleasant situation.
If you love it, bottle it up! If holidays are your thing, bottle up all that warmth. Breathe it in deep. Bask in it. Maybe you can tap into that feeling later and enjoy it again when you need it most :)
02. PREGNANCY - Jessica Vanderberg- LMSW, Doula
Pregnancy can be a joyous and exciting time, but it can also bring about mental and emotional challenges, especially during the holiday season. Here are some potential struggles that a pregnant person might face leading up to the holidays and three tips to navigate them:
Your body is working hard: Amid the holiday rush, acknowledge the hard work your body is doing and extend that care to your mental well-being. The social whirlwind of the season can be especially draining for expectant individuals, making rest a crucial priority. If family expectations are making you feel like you don’t have a voice, use this opportunity to set practical boundaries, showcasing your approach to parenthood.
Triggering traditions: Navigating the emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy during the holidays can include creating meaningful traditions before your little one arrives, establishing a positive foundation for your future family. Focus on experiences that bring joy and connection, avoiding external pressures where you can.
Expectations and comparisons: While the holidays are meant to be joyful, they can also bring about unrealistic expectations and unhealthy comparisons. If it all feels overwhelming, explore alternatives or find a middle ground to participate without stress. Remember, it's perfectly acceptable to say no and prioritize your well-being – you and your baby deserve it.
03. POSTPARTUM - Carolyn Kagan - LCSW, PMH-C
The first holiday season as a new parent can be joyful and challenging, reconciling new/old traditions, motivation to create meaningful memories, while contending with longstanding family dynamics. The holiday season often comes with a flurry of activities, events, and expectations. You might feel overwhelmed by the added responsibilities of caring for a baby while trying to participate in holiday traditions.
Set boundaries: and say yes to what matters most. Let loved ones know if you need time for rest, and be open about what you can and cannot participate in during this season.
Embrace the opportunity to create new traditions that reflect your growing family and potentially shifting values.
Don’t hesitate to ask for help: or to simplify where you need to. Having a support system in place can make a significant difference as you navigate new demands this season, on maybe less sleep. Focus on a few meaningful activities rather than trying to do everything. This can reduce stress and allow for more quality time with your family
04. PARENTING - Lorena Seidel - M.Ed
When envisioning the holiday season, our minds often drift to idyllic scenes of family togetherness, children gleefully playing in matching pajamas, and the aroma of hot chocolate wafting through the air by a crackling fireplace. However, the reality can sometimes be quite different, marked by sibling squabbles, sugar-induced highs leading to epic meltdowns, and days where parenting feels more like survival than thriving.
But fear not, for there's a chance to transform this narrative.Consider these strategies:
Balance kindness with firmness: The temptation to relax all rules during the holidays is real, as parents seek respite and want their kids to revel in the joy of the season. However, this lenient approach can inadvertently lead to chaos, meltdowns, and frustration. Establish and communicate your holiday routines and policies to maintain order and avoid unnecessary stress.
Craft a shared vision: Pose the question to your family: "What would make this holiday season truly memorable, joyful, harmonious, and restful for all of us?" This collaborative approach fosters unity, encourages problem-solving, and transforms your family into a cohesive team dedicated to creating magical moments together.
Prioritize presence over presents: In the pursuit of crafting the perfect holiday experience, it's crucial to assess your own well-being. If the process leaves you feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or disconnected, it may be time for a recalibration. Remember that children cherish our undivided attention more than material gifts. Take the time to play games, watch movies without distractions, and infuse your interactions with lightness and joy.