The Importance of Guilty Pleasures for Mothers During Difficult Times
As mothers (and humans), we are constantly navigating a landscape fraught with political upheaval, environmental concerns, and social challenges (see Climate Anxiety). Amidst these pressures, the concept of "guilty pleasures" has evolved into a necessary form of self-care rather than a mere indulgence. The uncomfortable presidential debates and significant shifts in the Supreme Court (SCOTUS) rulings happened only within a two week period, highlighting how rapidly our nervous systems must process and manage overwhelming information. For mothers, guilty pleasures play an important role, helping them balance the need to protect their children while managing their own stress.
As a therapist, I've had the privilege of delving into the intricacies of my clients' minds and lives. Over time, I've synthesized a few recurring themes in our sessions. First and foremost, we work on developing skills to overcome cognitive dissonance, a crucial aspect of mental and emotional well-being for the perinatal and parenting community. Secondly, we work on processing and integrating new life experiences.
However, a fascinating trend involving pop culture emerges, once these foundational skills are established. Conversations often turn to discussing guilty pleasures and how, with so little time available, we seek brain breaks to pause and quiet the surrounding chaos. Immersing ourselves in the world of "A Court of Thorns and Roses" (and other romantasy series), the music of Taylor Swift, and the drama of "Vanderpump Rules" (and other Bravo shows) has become a prevalent topic.
Mothers often preface these conversations with things like, “this is so embarrassing” or “I can’t believe I’m talking about this” but these guilty pleasures serve as vital touchstones for the women I support, offering them not only a means of escape but also a shared language and community. Whether we’re dissecting the latest plot twists in their favorite series or delighting in the lyrics from a song, these discussions highlight the importance of joy and passion in their lives. It's a testament to the power of fantasy, pretending, and playfulness as a means to provide comfort and connection, reinforcing that these indulgences are far from trivial—they are essential components of self-care and resilience.
The Need for Escapism
Our nervous systems are not designed to handle constant stress without repercussions. Chronic stress can lead to significant health issues, including anxiety, depression, and other physical ailments. Enter escapism as a coping mechanism. By allowing ourselves to delve into a fantasy world or enjoy a favored song, we give our nervous systems a much-needed break. Escapism provides a temporary respite, enabling us to return to our responsibilities with renewed energy and a clearer mind.
Escapism is not a new phenomenon; it has deep roots in human history. From the myths and legends of ancient civilizations to the serialized novels of the 19th century to sci-fi and superhero comic culture of the mid-20th century, people have always sought ways to momentarily escape their realities. During times of societal turmoil, such as wars or economic depressions, the appetite for escapism grows even stronger. For instance, during the Great Depression, cinema became an critical escape for millions, offering a brief reprieve from harsh realities through glamorous musicals and adventurous epics. Similarly, in the mid-20th century, television brought serialized storytelling and situational comedies into living rooms, creating shared cultural experiences that provided comfort and distraction. In today's digital age, this tradition continues through the consumption of graphic novels and video games, reflecting a continuous human need to find consolation and rejuvenation through engaging, alternate worlds. These moments, which create cultural connections, can be tied to social, political, or environmental tensions, serving as a way to engage with and respond to the issues of the time.
The Evolution from Twilight to Sarah J. Maas
A curious shift has occurred in the literary preferences of many women. The generation of young women that grew up enchanted by the "Twilight" saga have now, as mothers, found solace in the intricate universes created by Sarah J. Maas. Books like "A Court of Thorns and Roses" and "Throne of Glass" which offer rich, immersive worlds that capture the imagination and provide a temporary escape from reality.
These stories, with their strong female protagonists and complex narratives, resonate deeply with readers. They offer a sense of adventure, romance, and empowerment, elements that are often missing from our daily worries. For mothers, diving into these books can be a form of escapism that allows us to momentarily set aside our stresses and immerse ourselves in a different world. It's also important to acknowledge that "mom rage" is a real symptom many mothers experience due to the pressures and demands of daily life. The characters in Sarah J. Maas' books often start out questionable and imperfect, resenting their flaws and weaknesses. However, they learn to harness their anger and passion, using it like a furnace to master their gifts and find their paths forward. This journey from imperfection to empowerment can be incredibly validating for mothers who are challenged to show up at 100% in every area.
With bookstores like The Ripped Bodice dedicated to celebrating fantasy fiction and content creators like Book Huddle hosting virtual and in-person book clubs in the spirit of creating community and bringing women together, the demand for this genre is becoming mainstream. This helps normalize the need for these types of coping mechanisms and expands their reach.
As a clinical team, we emphasize the importance of incremental shifts to retrain our brains, restore our cortisol levels, and move out of survival mode. This can be achieved with just a chapter's worth of time. Reading about these characters' growth and resilience can inspire and reassure mothers that it's okay to be imperfect, to feel anger, and to gradually find their way forward, much like the heroines in their favorite books.
Taylor Swift: Beyond the Young Female Demographic
Taylor Swift's music has long been associated with young women, but her audience extends far beyond this demographic. Her lyrical storytelling, emotional depth, and relatable themes have attracted a diverse fan base, including many mothers who see her as a way to connect with their children while also finding comfort for themselves. Swift's music often touches on themes of resilience, personal growth, and the complexities of relationships—all of which resonate with women navigating the challenges of motherhood.
Moreover, Swift's ability to reinvent herself and her music keeps her fans engaged and connected. For many mothers, listening to Swift's music is not just a guilty pleasure but a source of inspiration and solace. It provides a soundtrack to their lives, offering comfort and a sense of camaraderie during difficult times.
It's not just about Swift; it extends to the subgenre of "girly pop" (as my 9-year-old calls it). Olivia Rodrigo, for example, paying homage to The Breeders (one of my favorite bands growing up), strikes a chord with both moms and kids. Chappell Roan's rock anthems celebrate self-acceptance. As we navigate the challenges and joys of motherhood, these artists show us how joyful it can be to defy expectations and find comfort in our own skin, offering a much-needed escape and a sense of solidarity.
Vanderpump Rules: Self-Care in the Absurd
In the realm of guilty pleasures, reality TV holds a unique place, and "Vanderpump Rules" is a prime example. This show, with its blend of drama, humor, and over-the-top absurdity, might seem an unlikely candidate for self-care. Yet, for many mothers, it provides a vital form of escapism that is both entertaining and cathartic. "Vanderpump Rules" offers an unfiltered glimpse into the chaotic lives of its cast, filled with interpersonal conflicts, lavish parties, and unexpected twists. This escapism is twofold: it allows viewers to detach from their own stresses by diving into the exaggerated drama of others, and it offers a sense of relief that their own lives are far less tumultuous in comparison.
Despite its seemingly frivolous nature, even shows like "Love is Blind" serves an important purpose. Watching the cast navigate their outrageous situations can be a welcome distraction, providing laughter and light-heartedness. This can be especially beneficial during difficult times, as it helps to elevate mood and reduce stress through humor and absurdity. Moreover, the show's repetitive and predictable format can be comforting. Knowing that each episode will deliver a consistent dose of drama and entertainment creates a safe space for viewers to unwind. It's a reminder that it's okay to take a break from serious matters and enjoy something purely for its entertainment value. And maybe contemplate an age old question, can love really be blind? :)
The Power of Guilty Pleasures
Let’s face it, motherhood can be really awkward, especially in social settings. It’s nearly impossible to be present when we are simultaneously thinking about our child’s safety and wellbeing with existential questions about who we are as people. This fragmented experience is exhausting. Guilty pleasures play a pivotal role in maintaining mental and emotional well-being. For mothers, these pleasures are not frivolous; they are essential tools for managing stress and finding joy amidst the chaos.
Parenting requires us to engage in play in a way that can be really uncomfortable and hard for many people. We’re too fractured to pretend and using our imaginations can seem wrong In a world that often demands constant vigilance and strength. Allowing ourselves to indulge in these simple pleasures can be a radical act of self-care. They remind us that it's okay to take a break, to escape into a world of fantasy, and to find comfort in the familiar chords of a favorite song. Ultimately, these guilty pleasures help us to recharge, reconnect with ourselves, and return to our roles as mothers with renewed vitality and resilience. They are not just indulgences—they are lifelines that help us navigate the complexities of modern life. Embrace them, guilt-free, and let them be a source of strength and joy.. And if you haven’t read "Throne of Glass" yet, buckle up!(And be sure to email Jessica for the best reading order—which is out of published sequence and includes a tandem read of two books simultaneously. 🙂)
Jessica Vanderberg